Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
