Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize