if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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