First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
