I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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