Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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