he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
