Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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