Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We have started to decorate penises.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
