69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
