I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
