closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
