I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
