Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
They took my balls.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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