i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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