In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
