I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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