They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
