Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I AM VODKA MAN
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
