He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
