did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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