I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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