And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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