don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
No subtext here. People are naked.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
