Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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