omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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