It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
