Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
