My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
