ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I cannot find my penis.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
