At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
