She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
