drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
