I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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