the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
