Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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