Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
