What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
