We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
