The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
FUCK WHALES
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