is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
