I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
