areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize