I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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