apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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