we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Come on in and take your pants off
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