hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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