So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize