The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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