i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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