Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
