and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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