Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
