I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
