this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I am one with the molecules
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
