I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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