Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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