whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
