Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He? As in you personified your dick?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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