This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
