I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
