I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
