I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
