i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Bring me that man meat
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
