Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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