i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
