No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
